1. The new blog.
I would post a picture of this one, but… um… you’re looking at it. So that would be pretty silly. As everyone has figured out by now, I am constantly refining my vision of my brand as an expression of who I am and what I do, and this blog has endured thousands of mind-changings and ‘executive design decisions.’ It will probably be tweaked a little in the future, especially in the sidebar area. What do you guys think? Seriously, let me know! Too dark? Too boring? Too cluttered? Feedback is the best way to make it more excellent, so lay it on me!

2. I finally picked an album supplier!
Okay, well, I picked two. Edit: I was mistaken on pricing. I had calculated incorrectly, they are not similar in price. However, I will probably still offer both.

The first is a beautiful handcrafted album, with near limitless cover options and upgrades. Faux-leather, real leather, cloth, brocades, you name it. It’s classic, clean, and meticulously crafted here in the US.

image courtesy of Finao.com

The other album is my FAVORITE. It speaks volumes to my soul, and really captures the magic and romance of life perfectly. If you’re looking for a more artistic, ECO-FRIENDLY album, this would be for you! Hand-crafted in Santa Monica without the use of large machines, this album just looks like a fairytale! It boasts of three paper options: Sugar Cane paper, which uses the byproduct of sugar cane production, is thick and slightly textured, Eco-matte, which is 100% post-consumer recycled paper, and Fine Art watercolor paper, which is beautifully textured and 100% cotton.

They also come in these GORGEOUS reclaimed leather or linen bags!

images courtesy of Barrett Meeker Photography via wildmagnoliadesign.com

3. My new pricing guide!
It’s taking me foreverrrr to get it printed, but I’ve finally finished my Pricing Guide! This will be printed as a softcover 11×8.5 book, magazine-style. It contains everything from who I am and my style, to pricing, products, and frequently asked questions. I can’t WAIT for my clients to see it!

4. Bookbook.
Somebody buy this for meeeee! This hardcover leather case for Macbooks by TwelveSouth that looks like an old-style vintage bound book! OooOoh, right up my alley.

image courtesy of TwelveSouth.com

5. Tangerines.
I know, this is a really really weird addition to the post, seeing as everything else is all business/tech related. But they are SO GOOD! I had never eaten a tangerine before last week (I am allergic to some types of oranges more than others, so I’m always a little wary), and now I’m obsessed. These little bursts of delight are perfectly sized, not messy, and ten times yummier than regular oranges. NOMNOMNOM!

Guhhh, I think I’m gonna go eat one now. Have a FABULOUS day, Interwebz!

It’s been on my family’s yellowing 1970′s refrigerator ever since, and my mother indeed took quite a liking to it, reminding me of it often. But for me, it never bore much personal resonance… until recently.

This past year has been critical for me as far as finding direction for my passion. My whole life I have been a sort of wild fusion of drive, chaos, and curiosity. I want to experience everything, see everything, and change everything around me for the better- but for a very, very long time, I wasn’t sure how to do it. Then, things slowly started creeping into place. A summer as a photography intern in Nepal, a year at IUSB feeling isolated and disconnected, a great youth group and a family get-together, and here I am. And Internet, I’m scared.

I’ve made many mistakes in the past, from not doing homework in high school to not following through on going to Africa for 6 months; I’ve had many plans that simply have not materialized. I’ve tried to listen to what God wants for my life, but I think I often miss the mark. It makes me worry: what if I fail yet again, or choose to go a different direction again? I don’t want to be the little girl who cried plans, but I feel like there must be others who know this feeling- this tumultuous exhilaration and nervous concern… (and if you do, let me know in the comments! I’ll keep you in my prayers!)

I am one of those people who usually hopes to a fault, but this one thing is so paramount to the direction of my future that I hardly want to speak of the possibility for fear of snuffing it out. It has come at the end of a long, confusion process of discerning where I should transfer to in the fall. First, I cried ‘IU Bloomington!’ because I thought it was my only option. Then, I cried ‘Steubenville!’ since I had long wanted to go there. But after making my 6th visit to the latter campus, I realized that neither school offers what I so desperately desire: an academic setting close to home that is committed to excellence and built on the foundations of the Catholic faith. After a lot of inner turmoil trying to decide between spirituality and academic quality, an answer hit me like a brick wall at 70 mph.

I’m not their ideal candidate- my GPA is a 3.5, not a 3.7, I didn’t have stellar SAT scores and my parents weren’t alumni (in fact, they never went to college). But I think that’s the very reason that I need to be there. The school has plenty of cutouts: girls in short skirts and Uggs who just want to party, folks just in it for the prestigious degree, people who are there because it’s free for them. But I, I want to be there in order to be throttled forward. I want the challenge, the community, the aesthetic. Like my favorite old Apple commercial says:

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the rou  nd pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

So tonight, I did one thing that scared me. I started my application to the University of Notre Dame. Because anything that scares me this much is probably something I should be doing.

I am writing this blog post from Midway Airport in Chicago. It is 1:29am. Why, you ask, am I at Midway Airport in the wee small hours of the morning? Because, my friends, I have just returned from 10 days in sunny and glorious San Diego, California! My plane was SUPPOOOOOOOSED to arrive at 9pm, but it got in at 9:25, making me miss the last possible train back to South Bend tonight. The only available train leaving Midway only went as far as Michigan City, which is an hour from South Bend and it wouldn’t get there till 2am so nobody in my house would be able to pick me up. I was so frustrated, I was sitting in baggage claim crying like a baby! But after a few minutes of tears and sniffles, I took myself to the ladies room, washed my face, and decided to use these idle hours writing a MAGNIFICENT BLOG POST! Okay, maybe not magnificent, but at least well-planned!

This break has been everything a break should be– refreshing, relaxing, inspiring, encouraging, and totally helpful in getting me pumped for the semester (and year!) to come. Before I jump into new things for the new year, here’s a blog-peek into what I’ve been up to:

First, I began break
1. Loving my adorable 10-year-old puppy, Nick. He’s the best doggie in the whole wide world, and we always let him open his own Christmas present every year. This year, we bought him a fluff-less squirrel to obliterate. He enjoyed it and tore the squeaker out in around 15 minutes. The squirrel put up a good fight, though!
2. Sipping lovely wine. I am a huge fan of a good wine. Nomnom.
3. + 4. Chilling with my fam and having a darling little Christmas Eve dinner! We always have our Christmas dinner and present-exchanging on Christmas Eve, and this year we were planning on it just being my grandparents, mom, brother and me. But at the last minute, we found out a bunch of our extended family wanted to come by on Christmas day- just a couple hours after I left for San Diego! Nonetheless, I really really really (really) enjoyed being able to sit with my family and share a delicious meal. The older I get, the more I absolutely love my family. This year is no exception.

Thennnn, I hopped on an airplane and flew away from the ice-ridden tundra that is Indiana, and over to the beeeeauutiful breezy 70-degree weather of San Diego, California. This is the 2nd time I’ve had the blessing of visiting J and his fam in California, and I hope it won’t be the last! I really enjoyed the time I had there. When I visited for 3 weeks this summer, we wanted to do everything and go all over the place, but this time we only had a few special planned things to do, which allowed for lots of nice time relaxing, going in the hot tub (yay!) and cuddling up to watch movies. Some other sweet stuff we did:

1. + 2. Cooked dinner! That’s right folks, I made a nice meal allllll by myself! All J did was separate the cloves of garlic (which I appreciated), but I did all the rest, finally proving to my family that I will NOT fall flat on my face once I’m on my own and my future husband will NOT resent me for my lack of housewifely skills! I made lemon chicken with garlic and herb roasted potatoes, and I looooved dancing around the kitchen singing Glee + Disney songs as we cooked. It was wonderful, and it TASTED wonderful!
3. Went to Disneyland. Sat in the parking line long enough to watch half of Stranger Than Fiction on my laptop.
4. Stood in many lines and made many silly faces!
5. Went shopping at many, many, many malls. Bought lots of AWESOME stuff.
6.Went to J’s family’s family friend Father Harris’ for an incredible New Year’s Eve party. It was J, myself, his sister and her boyfriend, his mom and her friend, his aunt and her husband, and his little cousin Emily. It was a blast! Father Harris (affectionately “FH”) is a hilarious man, a talented piano player, and a wonderful host! His cooking is out of this world, his house is beautiful, and he has a theatre in his basement. Seriously- bean bag chairs and several huge recliners with a 15-foot wide hi-def screen. Awesomeness! We watched 500 Days of Summer and then watched the ball drop at midnight. I’d never had champagne before- weird, huh?
7. Went on a bunch of sweet rides at California Adventure. We went on California Screamin’ about a gazillion times (okay, only three), Soarin’ Over California, and probably most famously, the Tower of Terror! I LOVE stomach-dropping rides, and although J hates them, he lovingly sat through it with me. I was delighted.
8. Last, but certainly not least, J and I MADE A BLANKET FORT! YESSS! I know, I know. This sounds incredibly childish, but I keep seeing all of these beautiful, nostalgic pictures of these cute little blanket forts and I’ve been dying to make one. So J and I put some blankets over some chairs, piled pillows inside, and snuggled with blankets in front of his fireplace to watch a movie. It was fantastic.

What did you all do during Christmas/New Years? Were you in a terrible blizzard, relaxing on a beach, reading a favorite novel or off in another country? Let me know! I need to catch up!

Okay, it’s now 3:27am, so I should probably end this. Just because I’m writing this during an all-nighter doesn’t mean you should have to pull one to read it!

Stay spunky, y’all!

-Joshua Radin

Tonight I saw the incredibly talented Joshua Radin live at Legends. Silky-smooth vocals, meaningful lyrics (mostly inspired by ex-girlfriends, apparently ), and a ridiculously charismatic stage presence all came together as Joshua rocked the stage. Unfortunately, after I finished up what camera battery I had left, I resigned to stage left to watch part of the show, next to some girls who absolutely epitomized the word ‘fanatic.’ Upon telling off some drunk guys, Mr. Radin called her ‘darling’ and she about died on the spot. It was at that point that I realized that I do NOT like being a fan. I love being in the front row photographing a band or musician, and I love hearing really good, soul-stirring music, but worshiping the artists themselves seems to really miss the point. *shrugs* I was super bummed that he didn’t play Don’t Look Away, but it was still a great show and since Jason works at Legends, his manager got my CD signed for me. Sweet!

• Jason and I worked things out. Or are working things out. Or something. His retreat was AMAZING (this kid had never seen the sun rise until then!) and we really needed the time apart. We’re still figuring things out day by day, and we still have a lot of struggles, but we make it work. We shall seeeeee.
• Thanksgiving. Nom.

My brother and Jason are total dorks. Just sayin.’

• Had my first meeting with the X/Stop group! X/Stop is a wonderful group for photographers in South Bend, and they meet monthly for dinner. We went out for some pizza and it was WONDERFUL to finally feel the support and camaraderie of fellow photogs. They were hilaaaarious. Can’t wait for the next one!
• Got in a car accident. Today. My car is maybe totaled, but maybe not. I’m reeeeeally hoping not. That would be nice. Basically, I ran a light that I forgot existed and some giant GMC supertruck slammed by front right corner. But we were able to drive it to our car dealership and the light on the crushed side was still working… good signs!
• Went to the Best of Acousticafe at Legends of Notre Dame last night to see my friend Chris’ last performance of the year. MANNNNN can that guy play! I love listening to him sing, too. He’s got one of those effortless voices and jazz piano skillz that make me swoon. So jealous! I was super excited to then realize that, on top of hearing some awesome Charlie Brown and a great rendition of Pianoman (a song I normally can’t stand), I would be able to hear a guy I knew in high school rock out with some beeeeeatiful, soul-stirring mellow music. Nick Gunty is one of those guys who’s got it all together artistically. Paints, draws, sings, plays chords on guitar that absolutely bewilder me (I swear he can stretch like 5 frets) and has a hauntingly beautiful voice. One of those voices that feels caught in time, like a memory or a nostalgic breeze.

Tonight I got to spend some time with my aaaaaaaawesome friend Zach. He totally cheered me up after my accident this evening, and is a tres intelligent philosopher/writer. He totally made my day!

Look at that gooooorgeous face!

Anyway, this weekend is full of excitement! I’m seeing Handel’s Messiah and JOSHUA RADIN tomorrow evening! Perhaps going to a party, we shall see.

So this has been my obligatory cram-several-weeks-into-one-blog-post blog post. I will try to update again soon. And please forgive the ever-changing blog theme. I am experimenting!

-Switchfoot

I have a paper and annotated bibliography that are due Monday that I haven’t even started, but I feel like I need to write something here. I know that this blog has been created to document the progress of my business as I embark on this wonderful and terrifying endeavor that is pursuing photography, but I feel like a huge aspect of the art of portrait photography is utter honesty. Honesty is imperative in building a relationship between the photographer and the model, in connecting to each others’ stories, lives, and emotions, and capturing it. So while I mostly feel like I should post about things that make me seem completely put-together, polished, and professional, it seems like more than anything, I should be genuine. And right now, genuine is definitely not put-together.

Thursday night, J and I broke up. We’d spent all day fighting even after a wonderful date night on Wednesday, it was just the apex of a long series of things that had become quite volatile. Both of us mutually agreed (as he stomped off into the night and I furiously drove away) that our relationship was making us miserable at that point and we needed time apart. While it was sudden, it wasn’t on a whim. It was, however, emotional, raw, and quick… like a heart attack. I hardly realized what was happening as I left, scanning his incoming sarcastic text messages and responding with my own. It was not one of my better days, and I am ashamed at how I acted in hindsight.

J has been on a silent retreat all weekend, and we talked through texts and facebook a bit before he left, but let me tell you: this weekend is critical. I know in my heart that we do need time apart, but the weekend has really been a huge lesson in surrendering my future and trusting that all things work for good for those who love the Lord. It has given me time to think, time to breathe and relax and spend time with friends and have some wonderful conversations. I don’t know what God has planned for J and I in the long run, but I know it will be good.

It is always difficult to let go of something so important, something you’ve invested so much passion and time and hope in, but we know that our friendship runs deep and will definitely be close even if we remain ‘broken up.’ It’s frustrating, too, to be in the business of connecting and documenting love stories and to experience the possible end to my own. It’s killer. Last time this happened to me, I couldn’t even pick up a camera or sit down at a piano for weeks. It was as though the muse had died. This time, though, I know that God wants me to trust Him and glorify Him in all things. So I recorded a cover of On Fire by Switchfoot on piano earlier, just to force myself to do something productive. I do these things called 1-Take Wonders where I just pick a song and do one take, and whatever I come up with, I post to Youtube. It kind of started as an accidental just-don’t-have-the-patience-to-do-more-than-one-take thing, but now I like to do it because it’s more genuine. It’s honest.

I hope you enjoy it. This song has always meant a lot to me, especially in times of suffering. I know that truly, I am standing on the edge of everything I’ve never been before, and I’m on fire burning at His mysteries.

*I must ask that you not watch the slideshow if you are a high school student in the Michiana area who has not yet attended an Antioch retreat weekend. It’ll just spoil the surprises!*

The slideshow is taking awhile to convert, but I will update this post with it later tonight. God bless!

I surprised J by meeting him at the airport yesterday when he came back from fall break, and as soon as I walked up the stairs of Millennium Station into the bright and bustling world of downtown Chicago, I immediately felt at home. I felt awake. I felt alive.

To top it all off, yesterday had to be THE MOST BEAUTIFUL autumn day anyone could ever imagine. It was warm enough that I didn’t need my coat, with brilliant golden leaves strewn about the sidewalks and hanging gloriously from the trees. (Unfortunately, I was too busy beaming at them to take any photos, but hopefully you can picture the scene.)

PIDGIE WIDGIES!

J and I got a bit lost taking an alternative route to one of my favorite restaurants, Ed Debevic’s. As a result, we walked through an adorable little neighborhood on Dearborn just north of the loop that had all of these ADORABLE little duplex homes. I seriously wanted to move in right then and there. GUH, they were just so beautiful. Even though we ended up a mile and a half out of our way, I was grateful for the bit of extra ambling time. We held hands and walked slowly, taking in the day, talking of the future and we really enjoyed being in love. He even picked me up princess-style, spun me around and kissed me at one point. Yeah, we are one of those sickeningly sweet couples that are so in love it’s disgusting. But can you blame me, when I’m dating a guy that looks like THIS?:

All of the employees at Ed’s are super rude. They also dance on the counters. Awesome. It’s like Johnny Rockets with attitude. Also, I felt pretty as I was waiting for J’s plane, so I went to the bathroom and took a picture. Hahaha, I’m a geek.

Another good part of that Aqualung song is the 2nd verse. It says:

“Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do sometimes…”

And BOY do I know how this feels. I am such a heartfelt, emotive person that my heart gets wrapped up in people, places, and things easily, and I have a hard time letting them go. I’ve fallen in love before only to realize that “sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,” and while it’s so painful to embrace, I know that good comes from loss. I know that all of the mistakes I’ve made, all of the wishes and prayers that have seemingly gone unanswered, and all of the things I wanted so badly that never happened have ultimately led me to this life, and this moment. I love where I am, and I owe that to many disappointments. Had I gotten my way all those times, I can’t fathom where I’d be.

I’ve also learned the art of waiting. If you’re a young person in a serious relationship you probably understand exactly what I mean. It’s so difficult thinking that J and I have three years till we can get married, which means at least a year and a half until we’re engaged… so I guess all I can do is wait. Slow down, enjoy the moment I’m in as it shapes the moments to come, and look to the future with excitement, but not anxiousness. It’s tough, but sometimes waiting is all you can do. Sometimes it’s the best thing you can do. Sometimes waiting is exactly what we need to make us stop and feel alive.

1. I am making a pretty major investment that is going to mean MUCH better print quality for my clients! It is a secret for now, but rest assured that I will be taking photos and posting about it as soon as it arrives.

2. I just discovered a site that looks to be super awesome. Mentioned in the South Bend Tribune today, it is a website specifically for pre-owned wedding dresses. While I know many might shudder at the thought of not buying new, these dresses are marked down from original price considerably and most of them have pictures of normal people wearing the gowns, rather than models. I’d probably be hesitant to buy a gown online, but for those who want to find a great deal on a gown, there’s a resource for you!

3. Because of financial reasons, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to make it to California to see J over the holidays. But thanks to the AWESOME generosity of my family, I will now be flying out on Christmas Day to spend two weeks in San Diego/OC. YAY!

4. Last night I had a really crazy dream. I dreamed that I was dreaming about my wedding, and when I ‘woke up’ I was actually getting married… only J hadn’t proposed to me, we didn’t have rings, I hadn’t planned any of the decorations, and we didn’t say vows or kiss or even have a first dance! GAH! I’m sure many brides-to-be have the terrible it’s-my-wedding-day-and-I-haven’t-planned-anything nightmares (and if you have, I’d love to hear them). I’m not engaged yet, but I swear that when I woke up, for a split second I thought I was already married! Hahaha.

5. Starting a business while you’re still in college is CRAZY! Don’t get me wrong, I’m SO happy that I’m able to do what I love, but it is definitely challenging to keep priorities in line, balancing school with work. If it was up to me, I’d spend all my time browsing blogs like Green Wedding Shoes and Style Me Pretty… but alas, all this work is calling my name:

I am a busy bee! Luckily, I have liquid crack… I mean, Dr. Pepper… to keep me awake.

And I get to read AWESOME books like this and write papers on them for my Mass Communication class. Yay!

Hope you’re all doing well!